The rant.

hilikuS · Site Admin Joined: 10 Aug 2006 Posts: 999

I'm extremely bored, and I haven't written one of these in awhile. The last one was an epic failure of my writing skill (if there is any at all). I'll use that as motivation to not take advice from critics, and continue writing the same.

Anyways, what to write about... crazy Volkswagons?... hmm... too cheesy, Ipods are gay? We already know that BP... we want something fresh, enjoyable, and nothing is funny about Ipods being gay. Ok, got it, how about crazy yogurt companies only selling yogurt when BP gets laid, so they buy him hookers. Err, yeah I did that already too. So what for this rant's topic then! Ok I got it, in light of the newest spoiled magic card on the YMTCND thread (that being Epic Snuggle), I'll go with that.

The Epic Snuggle. Man, fuck this shit, sounds way too queer for me. Even too queer for the queerest of queer. That's like Sean queer. I know I know, you're like gods fucking damn, that's pretty queer. That's exactly what I said when I thought up that sentence.

Back to the drawing board..... err, this is almost the political season! Why not do something on good ole' Hellary! Perfect, I have enough angst about her to write my master's thesis, or at least something twice as lengthy as that. So this will be the reader's digest rant on Hellary Clinton.

Where to start with this, evil, vile, twat licking, harpy of a woman?? There's just so much to go on. I'm thinking I'll start with baseless accusations, and then gradually pretend I know what I'm talking about to a more precise instance of her evilness. First of all, Hellary worships the devil. She worships the devil as much as puritians did back in the day. Except instead of purging witches, or what they thought were witches, she fucks up the economy of certain states. It's like a modern day witch trial, without actually having any kind of relation to a witch trial at all. It's HER witch trial. She lines up every upstanding policy that happens to help small business, or any business that plans on building in upstate New York, and gets rid of it. This leaves plenty of money for things like, funding her presidential campaign, and giving plenty of money to New York City for thigns like giant power lines to power their shit that run across the entire rest of the state. Straight through your little town, and across your backyard. Just make sure your kids don't get brain cancer or something, and it shouldn't be a huge problem.

Now I know exactly what you're saying... you don't think Hellary was responsible for any of that stuff, but I got news for you. She's most definately responsible for it. Ask Evan, he's republican, and thus knows everything about the follies of the Democrats. He'll tell you so. Now in such a crime as this, the person that's always responsible for it, is the one you don't actually think is responsible for it. That means, well, it's like the Spanish Inquisition. Hellary is the Spanish Inquisition. She's most certainly not healthy like Celery.

So you have some backstory, now here's the occurance that the rant is based on. Today I was sitting down watching the rest of King Kong, which by the way isn't very good, but the blond in it (go to IMDB and look her up) is pretty fucking sexy. Sexy enough for me to finish watching the movie. Plus there was borderline beastialty since she kinda falls in love with the damn gorilla. Anyways, the phone rings, and guess who it is. It's not Hellary herself, no she can't actually speak in human tounges without some sort of device (one of the disadvantages of being from Satan's lair in the center of the earth). It was this woman trying to promote her diabolical cause. Now there is intrinsic proof that this call was evil, and I'll tell you. THe evil always assume you're with them, and they play it off with this sort of jaded nature. This woman did exactly that vague thing I just inaccurately described in the last sentence. I say hello, she tells me that she's from Hellary's campaign, and is wondering if they have my support in the up and coming elections. Now since The College Crier works at Zogby, and it could very well have been someone from that company, I decided not to freak out on this poor lost soul. I said, you're looking for my mom (who conspires with the devil!, must be all those nazi movies) she's a Douchey... er Democrat. She'll be home on Sunday and all that. Then she's like, well, how old are you? I told her, 22 years of age. She's like, "so you're not registered?" Now let me pause for a moment and analyze this question. Firstly, this is exactly what I was saying about how they automatically assume you're with them. That question really reads, "you couldn't possibly be voting for anyone else, you must be a juvenile kid who talks a lot of shit but doesn't do anything about it". I am indeed registered under the Independance party, which is another Diabolic witchery of the Democrats actually. I was thoroughly duped. Next time you go to vote, look at the candidate of the Democratic party on the ballot, and then the Independance party below. Same fucking guy, almost everytime. They usually put the one that's different in the place where they have the most confidence in the Democratic candidate. Just to throw my conspiracy off, or at least to try. So now you can clearly see how the Diabolic Hellary supporters are clearly evil. They behave like evil people. Textbook case. I have the textbook if you wanna read up. I dare you.

Seriously though, lets start with a laundry list of reasons why to not vote Hellary into the presidency. Ok, maybe this rant is a bit politically motivated, but hey, I'm trying to save the world at the same time. I should be deemed saintly for standing up to the devil's servant so firmly. Twisted Evil

Vote anti-Hellary '08. Twisted Evil

Mardak5150 · Deviant Boy Joined: 07 Aug 2007 Posts: 318

REASON #1

She is running just to get across her idea that women are as capable as men. If she gets elected she'll just flip off all anti-feminists and piss away America's economy and resources like the big cunt-faced bull dike she is. I mean she was so power hungry for feminist rule that she bought a house in NY just so she would be eligible to run in NY. THAT'S BULLSHIT!!!! She didn't do it for NY, she did it for herself. That Bitch!!!!

Tychomonger · The College Crier Joined: 13 Sep 2006 Posts: 370

What he said, but more sarcasm.
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MexicanAmerican · I heart posting. Joined: 04 Sep 2006 Posts: 253

What tom said but less sarcasm and more vitriol. Oh and I highly doubt any politician running for president is actually doing it solely for the country. But Hilary does seem to be a pretty good example of it. Also I'm glad that Giuliani is out of the race as he couldn't let a day go by without mentioning how he single handedly saved NYC. It reminded me of the Bob Dole skit with Norm McDonald except with 9/11. 9/11. 9/11!

hilikuS · Site Admin Joined: 10 Aug 2006 Posts: 999

Going to go out on a limb here, and be surprised that anyone read that whole thing. I'm sure most of you didn't though. Admittedly, it wasn't a rant that I was overly proud of. I liked the other ones a ton better.

Also, Sass, Hellary isn't a dyke at all. She's a demon spawn, and like angels from heaven, she has no gender. She can sort of pose as a bull dyke, but in reality, she's asexual.

Mardak5150 · Deviant Boy Joined: 07 Aug 2007 Posts: 318

I read the whole thing, mostly cause I hate feminists, OOOH you can do things a man can do, and your life is sooooo hard, PISS OFF!!!!!!

Asshole · I heart posting. Joined: 29 Aug 2006 Posts: 321

Wow, glad I logged on to read this vital information. But there were a few things you left out, I think...I skimmed. So feel free to correct me on any of this.

1. I believe you forgot to mention Hilary is a succubus.
2. I think the beastiality present in Mighty Joe Young is a better example of why young women and gorillas can't have a serious relationship.
3. You forgot to mention that all of the good republican candidates stayed out of the political race this year because running right after a fuck up like George W. Bush as a republican is like one of the stupidest things you can do.
4. The Clintons put this plan into action while Bill was still president. Proof comes the fact that William is another name for Bill and what did the W in George W. Bush's name stand for? If only people listened to me.
5. To satisfy Tom, if you had noticed the news periodicals which were printed in the 4th and 5th dimensions, you would have seen this coming infinity years ago.
6. JB knows nothing about dimensions, so don't get angry if they don't really print newspapers in the 4th dimension.
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FOR GREAT JUSTICE!

Tychomonger · The College Crier Joined: 13 Sep 2006 Posts: 370

Why do you think I think I'm smarter than you?
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In response to your Lightning Blast, I'll eat this burrito.

My avatar, if the file wasn't too big.

hilikuS · Site Admin Joined: 10 Aug 2006 Posts: 999

They definately do print newspapers in the 4th dimension. They have one daily don't they?

Asshole · I heart posting. Joined: 29 Aug 2006 Posts: 321

Tychomonger · The College Crier Joined: 13 Sep 2006 Posts: 370

Only if you count the time from fertilization to abortion as a human life.
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In response to your Lightning Blast, I'll eat this burrito.

My avatar, if the file wasn't too big.

hilikuS · Site Admin Joined: 10 Aug 2006 Posts: 999

Master Shake · Someone Wants a Knife Fight Joined: 02 Oct 2007 Posts: 178

Hellary may be in Line with EL Diablo,
but I mean, McCain is quite obviously the undead.

And personally, as a very extreme conservative,
I feel my zombie brothers really need their own drinking fountains and schools.

Asshole · I heart posting. Joined: 29 Aug 2006 Posts: 321

thejangler · Posted: Mon Feb 11, 2008 2:23 pm Post subject:

My favorite part of all this: noobie was like 7 or 8 when it was Bill Clinton's last day in office.
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